Top 111 Most Awesome Movie Moments, as per request

paul cooney

Uno:  Patron Jeffords tosses the snoring asshole out of The Furies like a fuckin’ ragdoll in the immortal classic, The Furies, shot entirely on The Furies ranch.

Dos:  Jeffords gets his comeuppance when he is paid for his 20 thousand head a’ cattle in worthless T C’s!  The irony done get no bettah!  The Furies!

Tres:  The good looking scantily clad broad in AVP heats up her machine gun during the wet lit, spectacularly shot, and incredibly exciting running gun battle that leaves a slew of Aliens and Predators dead all the while advancing the tense plot of that gem.

4:  “Keep that cheap wailin’ slut quiet!”  Savalas tries to get some rest in The Dirty Dozen.

5:  “Stick ‘em!”  Franco urges Posey, the great Clint Walker, to gut Lee Marvin in The Dirty Dozen.

6:  Boer chick on horseback, replete with braids, throws one of those Acme type fuse bombs at the evil British in Breaker Morant.

7:  Tera Patrick goes cross-eyed as she cums in most of her classics!

8:  Michelle Yeoh rides the motorbike to glory atop the moving train in Supercop!

9:  Michelle Yeoh crashes through windshield of pursuing Chan’s car in Supercop!

10:  “That’s not the Goose!”  Gibson as Mad Max reacts to seeing his motorcycle cop buddy’s scorched body in Mad Max.

11:  Phenomenal final chase scene in the Road Warrior, especially the last collision where the trucks seem to explode from the force of the impact.

12:  Gibson’s look of defeat and helplessness at the end of the peerless Attack Force Z.

13:  “Springs steel springs!” “God bless you boy” Mark Lee is coached by his uncle in Gallipoli.

14:  Gibson’s harrowing scream as he hears the whistle blow in Gallipoli.

15:  “We have a death list you’re on it.”  Gibson’s commie buddy gives him the ominous warning in Year of Living Dangerously.

16:  “I am in hell sir!  In hell!”  Gibson flips out aboard the Bounty.

17:  Wallace sticks the antler into the hapless English guard’s neck to begin the revolt in Braveheart.

18:  Dennis Christopher breaks the tape during little 500 in the immortal Breaking Away.

19:  Christopher serenades the lovely Robyn Douglass in Breaking Away.

20:  Robyn Douglass in see-through negligee in The Lonely Guy.

21:  “I’ll see you when I see you ”  Lee and Gibson bid farewell in Gallipoli.

22:  Assault on the casino scene during The Longest Day, continuous shot of troops streaming along river and over footbridge as Germans pound away. Fantastique!

23:  “John has a long moustache ”  French dude freaks out when he hears the code words in Longest Day.

24:  Dutch SS man gets blown away by Russian punk kid while taking a shit in Soldier of Orange.

25:  “Listen! Listen! Listen!”   dude loses mind at end of In the Company of Men.

26:  Saga, Swedish tomboy extraordinaire, rips down the Tony Perkins poster, daring the homely broad to do something, in My Life as a Dog.

27:  Parillaud assassinates the “woman in brown” from hotel bathroom in Venice with large sniper rifle as her boyfriend listens in next room.  Thump! Thump!  La Femme Nikita.

28:  “Victor. The cleaner.”  Reno makes his appearance in La Femme Nikita.

29:  “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, fuckwad.”  Kelly Lynch shoots holes in Remar’s “drugs hidden in cereal” theory in Drugstore Cowboy.

30:  “Break two more than leave the fuckin’ clubs alone.”  Remar fucks with Bad Bobby Hughes golf game in Drugstore Cowboy.

31:  Lorre gets the “M” chalked on his back in M.

32:  Coburn pulls out the knife one last time before he falls in Magnificent Seven.

33:  Max Dugan leaves! (for Brazil) in Max Dugan Returns.

34:  Claudia Cardinale soapy and wet in the bath in Once Upon a Time in West.

35:  Lela Rochon strips with a melancholy air that breaks the heart even as the cock rises in the fantastic Tupac/Belushi classic, Gang Related.

36:  Berenger tells the class that yeah, they did lose “homeboys” in ‘Nam. The Substitute.

37:  Ventura, with no time to bleed, heats up the Gatling gun in Predator.

38:  When OO7 is mentioned, Spectre number 5 utters the immortal, “Who is Bond compared to Kronsteen?”  From Russia With Love.

39:  The great Robert Shaw holding Bond at gunpoint on moving train to Trieste.  “I may not know the right wines but you’re the one on your knees.”  You almost fear he will actually kill Connery in real life, such is the deadly menace in his voice “The first bullet won’t kill you, nor the second not even the third.  Not until you crawl over here and KISS MY FOOT!” From Russia With Love.   

40:  Moore and Carole Bouquet careen down a mountain in Spain in a jalopy while the chestnuts fly and the bullets sing.  For Your Eyes Only.

41:  Ninja whacks a sleeping Akiko Wakabayashi with a drip of venom in You Only Live Twice.

42:  The dwarf hops atop his fornicating dad, who is thus unable to pull out and thus climaxes inside Teutonic beauty, impregnating her, in the Tin Drum.

43:  Cooper makes the turkey noise to raise German heads so he can blow them off in Sgt. York.

44:  Attenborough scrambles over rooftops before nonchalantly picking up a German newspaper during escape, all to no avail as the sharp-eyed Nazi nabs him.  “Your German is very good I hear also that you are French.  Your hands UP!”  The Great Escape.

45:  McQueen breaks out, turns into Knievel Great Escape.

46:  Snowman fucks chick in bath with his carrot dick in Jack Frost.

47:  “Me suckee suckee, me love you long time, me so horny” Probably the greatest lines of dialogue ever uttered by anyone, anywhere, and that includes Shakespeare and Alan Thicke.  V.C. whore in Full Metal Jacket.

48:  “Dock that chink a day’s pay for nappin’ on the job.”  Second best line ever uttered Blazing Saddles.

49:  Otto discourses on the state England would have been in had not the Americans saved their sorry asses again. "Smallest fucking province in the goddamn Russian Empire! you’d all be speaking German!  Deutschland, Deutschland uber alles! You know what your problem is, you don’t like winners!” Fish Called Wanda

50:  German chick opens dirndl to expose her bosom in European Vacation.

51:  La Cruise shoots Ronny Cox with sniper’s rifle, then opens up with the machine gun before turning to a stunned Hutton with maniacal grin “It’s beautiful, man!”  Then they both get wasted as Penn cries. Taps.  Incidentally the only scene worth watching in that shit ass movie.

52:  Penn fills sock with soda cans and then hammers the crap out of Viking and Tweety in Bad Boys.

53:  Horowitz blows Viking’s head off with fertilizer bomb hidden in ghetto blaster. Bad Boys.

54:  “I work for Dick Jones!  Dick Jones runs OCP!  OCP runs the cops!  Dick Jones!”  Boddicker spills the beans as Robocop spills his blood unmercifully.

55:  “Bitches leave.”  Boddicker bids the whores adieu before blowing Miguel Ferrer to smithereens.  Robocop.

56:  Evil henchdude of Boddicker drives into toxic waste then splashes all over windshield when he is run into by truck in Robocop.

57:  “You broke into the wrong gosh darned rec room!”  Gross exults after killing a graboid in Tremors.

58:  Baldwin breaks the finger and then beats the shit out of pickpocket in mall men’s room.  Miami Blues.

59:  Belmondo’s final phone call in Le Doulos.  “I can’t make it baby.”

60:  Plain chick compares herself to a weed in Australian gem, The Country Life.

61:  Burton is forced to shoot long time friend Richard Harris as marauding Africans get close.  The Wild Geese.

62:  Merc is shot in back by African woman in The Dogs of War.

63:  A dying Guiness falls on the detonator to blow the Bridge on the River Kwai.

64:  Cute little pixie Audrey Tatou sends poppa pictures of garden gnome around the world in Amelie.

65:  Aidan Quinn improvises Rhett Butler, “Frankly Scarlett, I don’t give a tuppety damn!”  The Playboys.

66:  “I can make it.”  Chitwood calls for the ball.  Hoosiers.

67:  Warriors try to bop through Orphans territory without taking off their colors, no treaty, no parlay “You see Warriors! You see what you get when you mess with the orphans!  We’re gonna raiiiinnnnnnnn on you Warriors!”  The Warriors.

68:  The Lizzies whip out the revolver and start firing, spoiling the potential fuckfest. “The chicks are packed!” The Warriors.

69:  The Wanderers wander into Ducky Boy territory on a dark and foggy night. The Wanderers.

70:  The Wongs join the rumble at the last moment, helping to repulse the Ducky Boy horde, though the Ducky Boy leader makes sure to knife the Wanderers poster before the final retreat. The Wanderers.

71:  “Don’t fuck with the Wongs!” “Wanderers special on two!” “Motherfucker, I’ll chuck a spear up your ass!” “Leave the kid alone!” The Wanderers.

72:  “How bout it Ringo!”  Peck is challenged in The Gunfighter.

73:  “You got the Duke!”  Joey Pants exults Midnight Run.

74:  Wallach and Eastwood bond over cigar after Tuco beats the shit out of his worthless priest brother.  Good, Bad, and the Ugly.

75:  Bronson makes Duke eat his watch.  Kinjite:  Forbidden Subjects.  (Honorable mention:  chilling “Eggert in black lingerie/dildo” montage during opening credits)

76:  Eggert drops dime on Bronson to old pimp the Duke. Kinjite.

77:  Catholic High School Girls in Trouble. Kentucky Fried Movie.

78:  “Niggers!”  Rex Cramer, danger seeker, Kentucky Fried Movie.

79:  “The popcorn you’re eating has been pissed in, film at 11” KFM

80:  “He choked to death on vomit, not his vomit, someone else’s. The authorities don’t know who cause you can’t dust for vomit” Spinal Tap

81:  “Was my Petersen brave?” “He was very brave.”  Wayne takes little Ham Chuck under his wing after Petersen is whacked by VC booby trap.

82:  Dennehy’s secret lair, replete with dogs playing poker paintings galore, in FXdeuce, the deadly art of illusion.

83:  “Who the fuck are you?”  Ugly girl is greeted rudely in The Stoned Age.

84:  Bryan Brown’s randy alibi in Breaker Morant.

85:  British soldier gets shot, Union Jack slips from his dead hand and cascades over cliff down, down, down Zulu Dawn.

86:  “It takes an Irishman to play the pipes!”  Connery plugs his ears as English soldier plays Blue Bonnet on the bagpipes. The Longest Day.

87:  Cute French resistance chick on bicycle. The Longest Day.

88:  “Not a finger!”  the only words Darren McGavin can sputter, such is his fury, after the electric sex leg lamp is deliberately broken by his treacherous wife. A Christmas Story.

89:  “Sorry Spike.”  Dude apologizes to his dick in Just One of the Guys.

90:  “You shit on my house!”  Dude flips out on Patrick Dempsey in Can’t Buy Me Love.

91:  Takeshi takes the tricycle race in style. Revenge of the Nerds.

92:  Edwards impassioned speech decrying nerd persecution. R of the N.

93:  “I want my two dollars.”  Paper boy menaces Lane. -“Lookin real good Meyer, looking really good.”  Roy Stalin mocks Lane.  -“You skate, I skate, we both skate, we could be like a skating team.” Lane kicks it to blonde hottie on line.  “You’re a jerk”  Blonde hottie shoots him down.  -Ricky gives French chick, who should have been a lot better looking, his photo for xmas.  -“Sorry I blew up your mom”  Lane apologizes to Ricky.  Better Off Dead.

94:  “Everytime you see a lost doll, somewhere there’s a little girl with a broken heart.”  “You sure you’re cut out for the Marines Ack Ack?”  -“Were you that little fat boy?”  -“Dog from Mars!”  -“Jesus there sure are some ugly kids runnin’ around here.”  One Crazy Summer.

95:  Deaf/Mute hitman pens note to cute pharmacist chick before seeking vengeance and honor in Bangkok Dangerous.

96:  Dirk gives Max the pocket knife.  Rushmore.

97:  Richard Tyson returns the cash to Siezmasko in a beautiful gesture of honor and respect, which is what we have come to expect from Tyson.  Three O’ Clock High.

98:  Kristin Kreuk, the nastiest, freakiest little sex puppet Matty Too Hotty from Southie Damon ever knew, rushes onstage to join him in singing the haunting “Scotty Doesn’t Know”.  Eurotrip.

99:  Wes Studi uses last bullet in futile and grossly mean spirited attempt to kill greasy dude.  Deep Rising.

100:  Dolph takes a bullet to the chest, with no effect!, in Showdown in Little Tokyo.

101:  “You guys should be kissing my hairy bean bag!”  -“If she shows up with a toe tag I’m rollin’ over on ya pal!” There’s Something About Mary.

102:  Kung fu chix take on the kung fu fighting gorillas in the peerless Shaolin Invincibles.

103:  Ditch Brodie finally gets his Russian gold in Terminal Velocity.

104:  The whip is cracked.  Chains’ plan is executed to perfection and the Whip, together with a slew of State Supreme Court Justices, are shot to death in the immortal Stone Cold.

105:  Special Agent Johnny Utah lets Brodie ride the last wave in Point Freakin Break.

106:  “I’m gonna lick you clean ”  the empty promise from the white-looking member of Vatos Locos, who feigns fellatio just before sticking the shiv into the heart of the horny Polar Bear.  Blood In Blood Out:  Bound by Honor.

107:  C Thomas Howell executes the traitor when Swayze goes pussy. Red Dawn.

108:  “Is he brown Michael?  Michael is he brown?  Don’t let him leave!”  Vince Vaughn inquires about the delivery boy in Swingers.

109:  SWS kicks Will Ferrell back into the pool after he’s French kissed.  Old School

110:  Stryker gets it in the back!  Heartbreak!  Sands of Iwo Jima.

111:  After the silhouettes walk happily into the cabin, The Duke walks out the door and into the sunset The Searchers

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