paul cooney, john cribbs & christopher funderburg



Dear Noted Gentleman of Leisure, Mr. Paul Cooney,

We're not going to make it easy on you. Here's your Five from the Fire. You know the set-up: a print storage facility in sunny Sunrise Florida goes up in flames and you happen to be napping in a hammock on a nearby beach or maybe you're waiting for a bus just out front of the burning building. Most likely, you're across the street at a substandard dining establishment staffed exclusively with tawny Latina waitresses and watching the immortal #4 and Purple Jesus take your Vikes to the top but you spot the blaze and have just enough time to save five films from the collected filmographies of these five actors.

Mel Gibson    John Wayne    Jason Statham

Charles Bronson    Penelope Cruz



you filthy sons of bitches

my sweet precious babies!

only 5!  i'm on it...i want you two rascals to make your predictions

we'll compare and contrast apres




My prediction? My prediction is that I will be wrong, Mrs. Armacost! [picture Joe Morton saying that into video-camera]

I think a Gibson or two Road Warrior and Attack Force Z? No? Gallipoli, then.

Maybe next we pull The Great Escape for Bronson. And McQueen and Coburn and Pleasance I know for a fact that Paul is a HUGE Donald Pleasance Fan.

To get Cooney's list, I've got to think like Cooney - and that means one thing only: focusing on the women. I think Statham is going up in smoke. The first Transporter stinks. The young ladies in 2 and 3 are homely. Amy Smart is in Crank. Death Race might be a dark horse candidate because of the presence of the lovely Nat Martinez - but if the hotness of the actresses is the deciding factor, Ill say that Belle Epoque makes the cut.

As for the Duke, I've heard Paul speak kindly of The Searchers. But we only got one more Hondo? Ok: Hondo. I can't imagine Paul would leave Al Bundy twisting in the wind like that.

That's actually a pretty awesome list of films:
The Great Escape
The Road Warrior
Belle Epoque

I think my own list would be:
Mr. Majestyk
The Road Warrior
The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance
Rio Bravo
The Great Escape

No, wait, let me revise that slightly:
Death Wish 3
Open Your Eyes
Vanilla Sky



Chris you missed what will undoubtedly be numero uno on Mr. Cooney's list...a little film called Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects. That's right: Paul may have to pick one Duke over the other.

Very well sir...

My predictions:
Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects
Belle Epoque
The Great Escape
The Magnificent Seven

Dear god Paul, how could you let every John Wayne movie burn? You fuckin prick.

My personal picks:
The White Buffalo
10 to Midnight
The Evil That Men Do
Murphy's Law
Messenger of Death

(I have The Road Warrior on Blu Ray at home)

Now let's see 'em Cooney!

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